So, it is finally time to go on that romantic getaway to (insert exotic destination here) with your horse-loving wife. Congratulations! If you can get her away from the horses, barn, shows, tack sales, etc long enough to do this, it shows she really does love you.
But, be warned: There is a drug which the horses secrete which is highly addictive and can have some nasty withdrawal effects. There is no known cure for this drug, so don’t bother trying or letting that thought cross your mind (although it is rumored that the Russians have an anti-dote which is short lasting, and involves very cold places). But never fear, I am here to help you minimize the effects until she can get her fix again.
First: I cant recommend any vacations over two weeks. Unless, of course they involve a very high end horse show (World Cup or Olympics should do nicely).
Two: Allow her to bring at least three horse magazines and one horse book. In case of emergency, you may want to keep one more magazine that she doesn’t know about in reserve in a bag which you take everywhere with you.
Three: Do Not try to plan a day which she rides a horse on the beach, or some other adventure like this without her knowing. This is fraught with danger. The horses will undoubtedly be abused, under fed, lame, wrong discipline, wrong color or absolutely the wrong breed. The only exception to this rule could be a late night romantic ride in a carriage around Central Park or something equally almost un-horsey.
Four: When she states for the 87th time that she misses her horse, do not fall over in feigned shock. The best you can do is hope she misses you when she is off at the horse show.
Last, but not least: when she wants to call the barn, again, to make sure that everything is alright, just let her. Otherwise she will lie awake stressed all night and that hopeful feeling you had after a glass of wine and a stroll through the apple blossoms will surely never come to fruition.
But, be warned: There is a drug which the horses secrete which is highly addictive and can have some nasty withdrawal effects. There is no known cure for this drug, so don’t bother trying or letting that thought cross your mind (although it is rumored that the Russians have an anti-dote which is short lasting, and involves very cold places). But never fear, I am here to help you minimize the effects until she can get her fix again.
First: I cant recommend any vacations over two weeks. Unless, of course they involve a very high end horse show (World Cup or Olympics should do nicely).
Two: Allow her to bring at least three horse magazines and one horse book. In case of emergency, you may want to keep one more magazine that she doesn’t know about in reserve in a bag which you take everywhere with you.
Three: Do Not try to plan a day which she rides a horse on the beach, or some other adventure like this without her knowing. This is fraught with danger. The horses will undoubtedly be abused, under fed, lame, wrong discipline, wrong color or absolutely the wrong breed. The only exception to this rule could be a late night romantic ride in a carriage around Central Park or something equally almost un-horsey.
Four: When she states for the 87th time that she misses her horse, do not fall over in feigned shock. The best you can do is hope she misses you when she is off at the horse show.
Last, but not least: when she wants to call the barn, again, to make sure that everything is alright, just let her. Otherwise she will lie awake stressed all night and that hopeful feeling you had after a glass of wine and a stroll through the apple blossoms will surely never come to fruition.